Karma's a Pain
by FailureIn321
Summary: "Oi, Pedo-san!" "Yes, Hiromi?" "Do it!" "Alright... FI321 doesn't own Naruto..." In this story you will find many inner quarrels within one's self and a lot of death and mayhem... alright! Read this alternate universe fic and enjoy! renamed!
1. Chapter 1: Introducing, HIROMI!

"Karma's a bitch."

"Literally. But she sure is popular."

"She only got that way because she's dating the—wait, shut up! Here she comes."

It was true, I was a bitch, but when I walked by the other students I couldn't help but feel sad. I wasn't gonna cry or anything stupid like that, but as I exited the highschool my eyes started to water…

Everyone thought I didn't deserve what was given to me. I was the girlfriend of the star of the basketball team, and everyone always commented on my beauty, though Konoha High is the only place where I don't fit in. Being the new girl in town didn't help. Everyone always looked for my screw ups, but I didn't give them any. That's when they started attacking my personality. I was rude, just a tad bit, but it was just who I am, and I'm not under or over-exaggerating. If you knew me well, then you would know I'm kind. But no one except my mom and dad knew, and my boyfriend is just starting to catch on. Because of this, I figured no one would accept me, even if I moved somewhere else or moved on with my life. I just wanted to die sometimes, and today I would get my wish.

I walked the urban streets, looking at all the other Konohanigans who were just getting out of school. Some kids that looked to be 6th graders were chasing each other on their way home. They ran through the same crosswalk as I did, but made a right instead of my arbitrary left. I really should have followed them, because that was the actual way I was supposed to be going. I sighed and I turned down the bad part of town, where the big Konoha Tycoons were planning out various franchise locations. I laughed, since that wasn't the way they were going to make any money. Their bad planning will be their downfall, since they're in the bad side of town were most people get shot. I guess since Konoha was already filled to the brim with businesses on the good side of town, both big and small they decided to bring more even bars and things like that to the boonies. That's when it hit me. Literally.

I woke up briefly in a hospital room, but the pain was too much to bear. I had been struck down by a car, and I could hear my parents talking with the doctors and my boyfriend. "Will she be okay, doctor?"

"I'm afraid not, she might even die in this state. We're not sure the outcomes of what the surgery will do to her." said my doctor.

I could hear my mother crying and my dad doing the same. Wait, surgery? Pull the plug on me lady, if I go into surgery I might lose more than just my mind.

"So, she's going to lose her legs?" said my boyfriend. I didn't want to freak out, but I did. I had to wake up, and take the oxygen mask off in order to stop this. I tried moving my arms, but they were glued to the bed out of pain. I managed to move one and take the oxygen mask off. "Naruto…" I said as I called out to my boyfriend. When I heard the monitor freak out and my heart rate climbing, I started to breathe heavily. By then nine doctors had surrounded my bed and trying to save me, and I looked at the horrified faces of the doctors and my parents, not to mention Naruto, who was looking like he would pass out.

I died that day, and it was all because of my stupid choice to take the oxygen mask off. I hated that fact, but if I hadn't done so I wouldn't have met Kami, and I would have lost my legs. Kami showed me my funeral, and my parents sitting at home crying. Also, of the other people at school, who only stared at Naruto as he passed by them with sadness. I heard him talking to coach as I started to open my eyes; he had quit the basketball team. That was the last thing he showed me before I awoke. "Hey, little girl, what's you name?" said a voice that soon had face. It was a grey haired man that had a weird head thingy over his eye.

What did he say? I must not have heard him right, because he just said "little girl," but at least I am a girl. Before I moved to familiarize with my new body, I said, "I'm not little… I'm 18!"

The grey haired man looked at me wildly. "Oh… right, right. I believe you." he said trying to come to terms with what I just said, and I could tell he didn't believe me.

When he helped me up I noticed he was much taller than I am, which was weird because he was only about 200 cm high. "What the hell?"

The man with grey hair laughed, "Now, now… little girls should watch their mouths. I don't know if I should be asking this, but what is your name?"

A little voice popped into my mind, "Where am I? Where's my mommy… and my daddy?"

"Shut up. But maybe you can help me. What's my name?"

"I… I don't know… but my name is Yikimaru Hiromi."

"Um, I think my name is Hiromi." I said repeating what the little voice just said. Kami said I would have the person I was taking over helping me.

(mind convo fade in…)

"Kami?" said the little girl in my mind, "Why would Kami do this…"

"Hey, I thought I told you to shut up. I have no idea who you are!"

"Wha! You're so mean… I don't like you…"

"Oh my god… just grow up! Just tell me who you are."

"I'm Hiromi, of the Yikimaru clan… I ran away from the bad guy who… who!"

She started crying. "Who what?"

(mind convo fade out…)

"Hey, put me down!" I wailed as the man picked me up and held me in his arms.

"You know, you're a pretty girl. But that aside, I must take you to the Hokage." he stated plainly. I banged on his chest and bit is shoulder. "Ow, you little…"

"Oi, pedo-chan! Let me go!" I said as he yelped in pain.

"Mou… pedo…-chan? Are you calling me a pedophile?" he asked as he was looking down at me and I could see an inexplicit scowl across his face. By then I had stopped biting him.

"Yeah, I am. Why don't you—"

"Stop!" said the little girl in my mind, "Just listen to him… I don't think he's a bad man…"

"You better be right about this, because I'm not getting raped."

"What does that mean?" she questioned me, but I didn't answer her.

"Why don't I what?" said the man, who was looking about ready to slap me.

"Go take me to get something to eat! I'm hungry…" I demanded. He looked at me with dismay and confusion.

"Where do you want me to go, then?" said the man.

"There wouldn't happen to be a MacDonald's around here, would there?" I asked as I crossed my arms and scowled.

"What's that?" he said as he tilted his head. "No, but there's a coffee shop… want a cookie?"

I couldn't handle my little person temptations and said, "YEAH! Woo-ho!"

The little girl in my mind said, "Ha-ha, you're funny."

…

After I got my big cookie and was happily eating it I asked, "What's your name, mister?"

"Hatake Kakashi. Now what's your last name again?"

I asked the voice inside my head for a little help, "Yikimaru! Just say that!"

"Um, Yikimaru?" Kakashi's eyes widened.

"I remember now! That's the voice of the man who killed my clan. Get away from him!" said the voice in my mind.

"But, you said he wasn't a bad man!" I said, but when I looked at Kakashi he didn't seem to be wanting to kill me. He looked deeply troubled, on the contrary.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, just finish the big cookie and throw away the paper in the trash."

I looked to the last bit of the cookie, which was still rather large, but I managed to fit it in my mouth and say, "All done!"

Then I heard the voice in my mind started to cry. "What? Didn't you like the cookie?"

"He… he killed them all! How could you go with a man that mean!" she said.

I shook my head. "I don't even think you're telling the truth at this point, little girl. Why would he kill my family?"

"Shut up! They were my family, not yours! And I recognize his voice perfectly!"

"We shall see, since I'm in control now…"

…

We checked in at the counter to the place they both called the Hokage's Tower. When the receptionist said we can go out the door to our right and go up the stairs to see the Hokage, we did as she said. We reached the hall after going up the stairs, Kakashi walked up to the door and rapped his fingers on it and waited for a reply. It was almost like a secret knock in some sorts, because when the Hokage from inside called him out by some code name. "Come in, Wolf."

He did as he said and let go of my hand. "Wait out here okay?"

"Okay…" I agreed suspiciously. When the door closed I walked up to it and pressed my ear against it.

"What are you doing?" said the voice inside my head, "I love this sort of thing!"

"You do huh? Well, be quiet so I can hear!" I hissed mentally.

"—(Wolf, you know you can't keep her, right? She'll find out what you did eventually.)" said a very old sounding man from inside, whom I didn't recognize as Kakashi. That being given, he was probably the Hokage.

"Did you hear that? See, I told you! Very bad man, indeed." she barked.

"Shut it."

"—(But it's my duty to help raise her. Her parents and her whole clan are dead, yet you knew their motives… they were going to issue a coup de tat on your life.)"

"This can't be!" said the voice inside my mind, but I didn't listen to her. "My clan isn't like that!"

"(Okay, but you must be gentle with her, or she'll find out about it.)" said the old Hokage.

I heard Kakashi walk back, so I quickly sat down on the bench.

"Well?" I asked as he came back out.

"It's your lucky day, you get to meet the Hokage."

"Yay, lucky me." I said sarcastically as I shook my hands from side to side.

I entered the office to find a very weather-beaten Hokage, whom I assumed was the leader of the village I was in. "Hi." I mumbled shyly.

"Well hello there, my name's Sarutobi Hiruzen. Nice to meet you!"

I wanted to gag so bad at his kindness it was sickening me so badly. "Hi…" I said again, "My name is Yi… Yikimaru, um, Hiromi."

By the way, I still didn't remember my name real well.

"I'm sorry for you loss." Sarutobi muttered, his eyes glancing to the side and downward.

"What loss?" I said, but I had almost gave it away that I didn't know anything about my family. All I knew was just that they tried to kill this man.

"Do you not remember what happened?" he asked.

"No… it must have been too traumatic." I fake-moped, covering it up my folly real quick like.

"Well, Kakashi has agreed to be your new guardian, since your old parents had met their… um, untimely demise." he said, trying to lay it down on me kindly.

Honestly I didn't care, but I stayed silent anyway.

Kakashi spoke, "Well, we know you have a busy time on your hands…" he sighed, "We must go. I will take her to my apartment and make sure she gets some new clothes tomorrow. See you later, Hokage-sama."

He grabbed my hand, we walked out of the door, and I was left to go with Pedo-san.

* * *

…

* * *

End of Chapter!


	2. Chapter 2: The Test Taking

Okay, I'm sort of stealing someone's idea. I remember reading a fanfic that was really cool and I decided to make it my own because the girl writing it probably stopped writing it. So, I will carry out her legacy and steal her idea.

(Btw Lawi, she's 4. Thanks to my first reviewer!)

* * *

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

I heard my alarm clock go off and the kettle boiling from inside the kitchen, so pretty much I figured Kakashi was boiling the normal spot of tea and it was early morning already. I slammed my fist onto the snooze button and then reached for the off switched and turned the knob. My fox ears perked up as soon as I smelt something good… it was meat! I've always had a thing for meat, like a real fox, but it was unlike some special people like Pedo-san who didn't eat meat regularly to be making it. It was probably because I was graduating he was doing something, *ahem*, "Special" for me.

Let me explain. It all started just a year ago when Kami made a proposal, and no, I didn't pick out a wedding dress. What he did, being Kami and all was merge the two chains of memories of Hiromi and me, Karma, together. I was still Karma Yasashi of Konoha High, I just had a different body and memories to go along with it. Now, finding out one day you grow fox ears and a tail you begin to wonder if you went insane. I always noticed that I had weird pupils, but alas, I didn't know I would have my old ears fall off (which was very painful I might add) and grow fox ears. Most people in Hiromi's, or now my clan grew characteristics of animals that their most like. My mom was a cat, my dad was a dog and somehow they liked each other and had me. I remember my uncle on my mom's side looked painstakingly like a rat. But now they were gone, and I was left to live with Pedo-san. That was my life, get used to it.

"Pedo-san!" I growled cheerfully as I made my way out of the covers and off the couch. Then into the kitchen where sausages and fish were cooking simultaneously in the same pan I smelt their wonderful smells and said, "What's cooking?"

I walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder. He was kind of spooked but he and I smiled on like it was nothing, though I couldn't really tell under his mask.

"Alright, what do you want?"

"Food! I'm hungry…"

"Jeez, you're just like a cat…"

"Grr…" I growled. I didn't like being called a cat when clearly I was a fox, wise and proud unlike some alley cat.

"Down, Kitsune." he said, and I sniffed at his hurtful words.

"Alright, I'll sit." I barked, turning around in a circle, "Do I have to beg?"

"No, just go sit at the table."

After breakfast I went to go take a shower in Kakashi's room, striped out of my nightclothes and entered the bathroom, thus entering the tub and turning on the water. I waited for the water to become warm and took my shower. When I arose from the tub, (I was sitting at the time), moved the curtain and when the mist cleared I looked at myself in the mirror. Just imagine a girl, naked and with two fox tails and ears growing out of the provided places. I finally grew my second tail; I noticed that it must have finished growing overnight. I'm getting older… I knew some foxes in my clan and it took 12 more years to finish growing the third, unlike the 6 that it took to grow the first. Most of the older foxes never got their 9th tail because they didn't take care of themselves when they got to be around 100. It takes almost 12 years for each tail to grow, but some people's tails didn't grow until thirteen years later because they weren't leading intelligent lives. Enough about tails… I examined and did my daily sharpening of my fangs. They usually cut into my gums if I do that, but that's usually how it goes with fox demons. Did I mention all of my clan were demons? That's mainly why we look like animals, and why we were always shunned from society because of it. *Sigh*…

I looked into my eyes. They were big and foxlike, and both had slit like centers in the middle of them. I sighed as I turned them off. They were like a Kekkei Genkai that allowed me to see Chakra, but alas it was forbidden for me to use them because they were the only thing giving my identity away when I finally got all my clothes on. I slid my panties over my legs and strapped my bra on then exited the room. Pedo-san's dresser was the same as my dresser, so before I did anything else I closed the door before Kakashi could sneak a peek, *winks*. "Alright, maybe I should wear the black jeans today." I said quietly to myself. I couldn't wear shorts or skirts or anything like that because I had to hide my tails, which needed longer than short length to hide under my pants. I painfully slipped my fox tails (they were sensitive) into each of the pants legs and flattened them down against my legs with my hands. I picked out a red tee and smashed my also sensitive ears into a hat that was black just like my pants. "Alright… now what? Oh yeah, school…" I grumbled angrily.

I walked out of Kakashi's room and wondered to myself, "Where did he go?"

Kakashi was nowhere to be seen but there was a note stuck to the fridge. "…" I groaned and thought immediately, "He wants me to get groceries. I guess I better read it to be nice."

I plucked the note from out under the magnet and read it quietly to myself… "Good luck with the graduation! Make sure you pick up these groceries on the way back home."

I read the grocery list and memorized every last one of the items. I could feel the stub of the 3rd tail growing as I locked the knowledge into my brain. "Like a fox, I'll never forget!" I thought to myself.

"Yeah, right…" said Hiromi.

"Oh shut up… you know well'er than I know…"

"Well'er? That shows technical sense…"

"Shut it." I said, "Anyway, you know better than I know that you and I are smart. Don't let me forget."

"Eggs, cheese, butter—"

"Okay I get the point."

…

Later, as I ran across the village who was ironically named Konoha like my old home, I saw many people commerce straight through the shafts of roadway in which they were traveling. I wondered as I saw many stores and small businesses "if people didn't have such busy lives then what is life in the first place?" I had a little bit of a life myself, but I never stopped. Then I looked to a bum with a piece of straw in his mouth sitting on a bench who was blatantly Naruto. I saw that he was wearing a straw hat and apparently skipping out on school again. I stopped to talk to him, "Hey, Naruto-kun."

"Why are you talking to me? No one ever talks to me unless I speak first, and that doesn't even work most of the time." he said rather rudely.

"Jeez, baka, you don't have to be so rude…"

Naruto scowled, "What's up?"

"Nothing, but will you be coming to school? Come on and walk with me."

…

When we arrived at the Ninja Academy, I saw that many of the students were pouring into the school building. By then Naruto had already gave the hat to some bald old man and ditched piece of straw by littering (Litterer!); also, I was wondering something, "Are you going to just stand there or follow me?"

I was standing with my arms folded, and looking back to Naruto with my body facing him. "Yeah," he said, "Why?"

"You've just been blank all day, I was beginning to get worried." I expressed my concern.

"Thanks, but I know you're just trying to be nice…" he moped.

"Well, at least I'm trying… most people wouldn't look twice at you."

"… Eh… I guess…" he said sulkily. He noticed that the doors were closing and we'd get locked out on the most important day of the Academy! Oh shit…

"Hurry, get the door!" I commanded as I tried the same thing myself. Too late, the doors already closed on us.

"Now what? We're locked out!" I complained angrily to Naruto, putting my hands to my head in dread.

"Calm down, maybe the doors will open…" said Naruto, he went to door and peered inside. When he tried the door, it wouldn't budge.

"Great… this is just great…" I nagged with my hands still to my head. "How are we supposed to get in?"

"I think we should go around to the window on the side of the building."

"Why?"

"Because, maybe Iruka-sensei can see us through the window." he said, and I nodded.

"Let's…"

…

When we ran around to the windows we noticed something was wrong. The blinds were closed! "Shit… shit!" I said as I banged on the windows. "Hey, let us in!"

"No use…" scoffed Naruto looked at my dismal gaze upon the window. "Iruka-sensei and the others must be out of the room already."

"Wait! Let me try something…" I pulled up on the window, which was inexplicitly open but glued down by the paint… "Help me, Naruto-kun!"

"Do what? Oh, right." he said as he heard the paint cracking.

We pushed in unison but the paint seemed to not want to budge.

"Now what? Because of you we don't get to take the test!"

"Yeah, I guess we'll have to go home…"

"BATHROOM!"

"What? Now's not the time to pee, just go all over yourself if you have to go so badly…"

"No, the bathroom! The girl's bathroom has a window, if we can find it we can make our way into the building!" I said. Naruto looked at me like I was a genius.

"There's one problem though…"

"What?"

"I'm not a girl…"

I stuck my tongue out, "Leh… sucks for you!"

…

Naruto went with me to the little air-vent window I said we can sneak into. "This is it?" he uttered as he was peering into the window. "Where's the fountain, and the mints?"

"What are you talking about? What fountain and what mints?"

"Kiba said he walked into the girls bathroom once and saw a wonderland complete with a fountain and a small rollercoaster."

"That's stupid. If you want mints just go to the boys bathroom… a legend was told that the boy's bathroom had stalls complete with videogames AND candy." I said. He laughed at me.

"Yeah! Sure they do…" he remarked smartly, "That would be nice though…"

"Well, I'd say that we're both wrong…" I said, crouching and opening the window. Sure enough, it wasn't glued down by paint. "Come on!"

I slipped my small body just barely through the window and Naruto was looking puzzled. "There's no way I can do that!"

"You have to try!"

"I will not succeed!"

I grabbed his ankles and tried to pull him through. "AGH!"

"Come on, you're small and dopey enough!" I managed to get him through and said, "At least you're not an Akimichi."

"Man, I've never felt more raped in my life…" he joked, "You were yanking on me the whole time."

"Yeah, right…" I replied, shivering slightly.

I heard a voice from the doorway, "UGH! NARUTO! What they hell are you doing in the girl's bathroom."

Naruto thought faster than his slow brain could take him, thus kissing me and attracting some very sporty attention from the people who had gathered as soon as Ino said, "NARUTO!"

When Iruka-sensei walked in on us we had already maked-out for about 6 seconds. "Break it up you two, and what are you doing in the girls bathroom when you should be out in the halls?"

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei!"

…

Luckily being bad teacher as he is, he didn't notice we were missing from the group who was now upstairs and ready to take the test.

I was called first, "Hiromi, Yikimaru."

"Alright… show me your moves." voiced Iruka as I stood in the middle of the room. I looked at old Hokage Sarutobi, sitting in-between the other two teachers who were Mizuki and Iruka-sensei.

"Tell me again what the jutsu we're testing on?" I said, not knowing what we were being tested on.

"The Transformation Technique."

"Good, that's Naruto-kun's best jutsu… he'll be able to pass!" I thought instantly. I made the chakra building seal and transformed into Iruka-sensei.

"Sorry, Hiromi… you were supposed to transform into the Hokage." said Iruka-sensei.

My face drained of all emotion… "W-what?"

"Iruka, I believe she should have passed anyway since she made a perfect transformation." Mizuki-sensei quoted on my transformation. My face lightened a bit and I made a noise that was eerily familiar to an excited whimper.

"No Mizuki, she transformed into the wrong person… she fails."

"But, but!" I whined. The Hokage looked seriously upon Iruka-sensei.

"Iruka…" muttered the Hokage, "How about you pass her… someone as good as she is in school should be able to graduate, no? She did make a perfect transformation…"

"But, Hokage-sama!" said Iruka-sensei, "She may have top marks, and she may have made a perfect transformation, but it wasn't of—"

"Pass her."

"Okay… you pass." Iruka-sensei finally submitted and I jumped for joy. I ran up and plucked the headband out of Iruka-sensei's hand as he looked down to the corner of the table.

I ran out and spoke to Naruto. "It's on the transformation technique, transform into the Hokage… also, no tricks okay? No perverted ninpo."

"Okay, okay! Jeez…"

…

* * *

End of Chapter!


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